New research reveals that when children leave home, it’s the small everyday rituals, from quick texts and voice notes to meeting over a coffee, that help families stay connected.
Yet staying connected isn't always straightforward, with nearly half (46%) of parents worrying about getting the balance of contact right when their child leaves home and four in ten (40%) admitting they worry about checking in too often.
The study shows parents of children who have recently started university receive 528 text messages a year from their grown-up children, turning to Mum and Dad for everything from money worries (71%), cooking questions (63%), work concerns (60%) and DIY disasters (38%) - and according to eight in ten (80%) of the 1,000 parents surveyed, they secretly love getting them.
However, modern teens say they’re the experts on how, when and where to communicate with home, a view most parents share, with 84% agreeing their child has taught them better ways to keep in touch, from quick-fire texts and memes to voice notes sent between lectures.
Commissioned by Costa Coffee, the research highlights that while leaving home is a major step towards independence, students still lean on parents for reassurance, practical help and answers to life’s everyday dilemmas.
Top of the list was “can you send me £20?” (41%), followed by “how do I know if chicken is cooked?” (40%) and “how do I read the electricity meter?” (28%), along with “where is the stop cock?” (26%), “can I come home this weekend?” (25%), “where is the water meter?” (25%) and “what do I wear to a job interview?” (24%).
Other ‘SOS’ texts parents regularly receive from their adult children include “can I get a taxi/Uber on your account?” (21%), “can you look at my CV?” (19%), “is food always this expensive?” (17%) and “what questions do I ask in a job interview?” (17%).
One in six (18%) have asked for advice on how to deal with messy flatmates, while 16% want to know their National Insurance number and how long to boil an egg (15%).
Children text their parents an average of 44 times a month, send them TikToks or Instagram stories/reels 40 times a month and phone them 35 times a month.
Dr Ritika ‘Ritz’ Birah, Consultant Counselling Psychologist, said: “It doesn’t surprise me that so many parents secretly love receiving these messages. Parenting changes as children become adults, but the instinct to support and guide them doesn’t suddenly switch off.”
It seems that rather than being in constant contact, mums and dads say it’s the small, repeatable moments that help them feel connected - something that 91% of children who have moved out of home in the last five years agree with - so much so that 95% feel connected with their child when they receive a text and 61% say it feels like their children never left home.
“I love that so many parents say their children have taught them new ways to communicate. A meme, a voice note or a quick photo might not look like a traditional heart-to-heart, but these tiny touchpoints can create a real sense of closeness. Connection doesn’t always have to come through a long conversation. Sometimes it is simply knowing someone thought of you in the middle of their day.”
Half (49%) say that being able to chat via text or WhatsApp has helped them worry less about their child, with one in four (26%) admitting that even though the way they communicate has changed, their relationship hasn’t.
And when they do meet in person, 44% of mums and dads say nothing beats it, with 87% believing that catching up for a quick coffee or pint with their adult child is enough to reconnect with them. As Costa Coffee has been a meeting place for families long before students leave for university, it remains a familiar constant at the heart of the new rituals they form.
Broadcaster and mum Myleene Klass, whose eldest daughter, Ava, started university last year, has partnered with Costa Coffee to encourage families to embrace these everyday moments of connection.
In a special in-store Q&A, Myleene will be interviewed by her daughter about how their communication changed when uni began - what worked, what didn’t, and the small messages that kept them close. Together, they'll discuss how families can navigate the transition to university life and maintain meaningful connections during this new chapter.
Myleene said: "Watching Ava head off to university was one of the proudest moments I’ve experienced as a parent. But until you go through it yourself, you don’t realise how many emotions come with it.
Our relationship has taken a new direction as she leads the way on how we stay in touch now, and with that, we've built lovely new rituals from voice notes, reels and pictures to a proper sit-down catch-up at Costa whenever she's home. That's why I'm thrilled to be partnering with Costa on New Grounds. It's a real celebration of this new adventure for families, and I can't wait to chat it all through with Ava and Dr Ritz at our event."
A Costa Coffee spokesperson said: "While parents may receive more texts from their children when they're away at university, the messages are about much more than burnt dinners and missing house keys. Whether it's asking for advice, sharing a win or simply checking in, those small conversations, and the simple ritual of meeting over a coffee, help families stay close during one of life's biggest transitions.
Through New Grounds, Costa is passing the mic to students and letting them set the framework for communication success, because there's no perfect formula for staying connected and often the smallest messages mean the most."
New Grounds is Costa Coffee's campaign celebrating real-life progress and the small moments that help people navigate life's big transitions.
To hear more from Myleene, Ava and Dr Ritz, and join the conversation about staying connected through life's next chapter, parents can register for free tickets to the New Grounds event via the Costa Coffee app.
TOP TEXTS RECEIVED BY PARENTS
1. Can you send me £20 - 41%
2. How do I know if chicken is cooked? - 40%
3. How do I read the electricity meter? - 28%
4. Can you send me £100? - 26%
5. Where is the stop cock? - 26%
6. Can I come home this weekend? - 25%
7. Where's the water meter in my house? - 25%
8. What do I wear to a job interview? - 24%
9. Can I get a taxi/Uber on your account? - 21%
10. What kind of jobs should I apply for? - 21%
11. Can you post my things to me? - 21%
12. Can I eat chicken if it's a bit pink? - 20%
13. Can you look at my CV? - 19%
14. How do I set up a direct debit? - 18%
15. How do I deal with messy flat/ hall mates? - 18%
16. Is food always this expensive? - 17%
17. What questions do I ask in a job interview? - 17%
18. Can I order food on your delivery account? - 16%
19. What's my National Insurance number? - 16%
20. How long do I boil an egg? - 15%
Dr Ritika ‘Ritz’ Birah, Consultant Counselling Psychologist, shares her top tips on how to deal with a child moving out of the family home:
1. Let them set the communication culture -
2. Create a message that needs no reply -
3. Use the SOS text as a bridge -
4. Invent one ritual that only belongs to this stage -
5. Save one story for the proper catch-up -
6. Let your questions grow up with them -
7. Let them be the expert sometimes -
8. Ask what kind of response they want -
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